Facing Forward

Letting go, to me, is an act of courage, a triumph of spirit.  It is a moment by moment act.  Not just letting go of a person, but letting go of a state of mind, a thought of pain that leads to a feeling of pain that is so powerful, passionate and poetic that it trumps everything else I think letting go of a person is much easier than letting go of pain.

Because once I let go of the pain of missing that person, all that's left is ... nothing ... an abyss of numbness ... along with the knowledge that I'm now alone.  I would come face to face with the belief that I will always be alone, so I hang on ... hang on desperately to that man, to that thought, to that routine ... all in the struggle to not be alone.

I literally have to hold on ... hold on to the hope.  The hope fills the space; the pain fills the void, even if the man can't or won't.

But what if, just what if, instead of hope, I could operate on faith?  Faith that there is a higher plan for me?  Maybe I just can't see it yet through the fog of pain and longing.  What if I just simply trust that what's in store for me is far better than what I'm struggling so desperately to hold on to.  That whoever he may be will show up and, instead bringing of heartache and longing, he'll show up with sunflowers ... and the absolute knowledge that his life, although full, wouldn't be as rich if I'm not in it?  That his days wouldn't shine quite as brightly if I wasn't a part of them?  And why not?  He could be right.

 So I will have faith and face forward, and my spirit will triumph.  I simply have to accept that what I'm facing right at this moment, whatever it is, I can turn my back on it and release it into the universe if I could just have faith.

And I'll be okay.  I will be okay.

 Like my very good friends, my prayer warriors, always tell me, "Let go, and let G'd."